Friday, April 10, 2009

Gossip-The social weapon Friends- The antidote

Scientific American today posted an interesting article which appeared in my Google Reader (for those of you who don’t KNOW about Google Reader you REALLY should look into it… and NO I’m not paid by Google.). Here’s the connection to that article

http://www.sciam.com/blog/60-second-science/post.cfm?id=pssst-gossip-hurts--but-friends-can-2009-04-09

The main thesis in this short note was that Gossip hurts (A somewhat OBVIOUS fact) but that friends are the antidote to this weapon of society. Having been the victim of bad rumors and innuendo behind my back I am ACUTELY aware of how dangerous and sinister the effects of gossip can be. Some time ago a person I had known for over a DECADE at that time and whom I considered a personal friend used a workplace situation he had become a victim of to turn the tables and make me an unsuspecting victim of that very same situation. The tragedy; I had actually worked HARD behind the scenes to help him by standing up for him and speaking out against the conclusions that were being spread about him. His utterly false, backstabbing gossip, which he spread far and wide, actually had a devastating effect on my career. I am not alone. Today we know for a fact that adolescents use gossip to cement cliques which can be used by some to force others into horrible acts (including murder). Now we often hear that the “cream always rises to the top” and that “adversity makes one strong” etc. but the net effects of false gossip can be the same as an assault with a weapon on someone. If that attack is strong enough and well enough planned, it can have a crippling effect on one’s future. Does this mean that gossip is ITSELF evil? I’d rather believe that all powerful instruments in our civilization have the capacity to do as much GOOD as they can do evil in the wrong hands. The skill is in using the tool in the right way.

There is need in my opinion to harness the social power that can be exerted in gossip. What if we all made a decision to stand up and say what we believe to be correct of our friends when we hear others (even larger groups of others and even powerful groups of others) saying things about our friends that would diminish them in the eyes of the society that they want to be a part of. It’s risky but don’t we OWE it to our friends to do them this favor? People’s reputations are made by people talking about them when they are not there to defend themselves. Well chosen gatherings can make it possible to spread lies about anyone (even Mother Teressa was not exempt) and to make them stick and propagate by hearsay and gossip. If we make a decision to say good things about people, that too can stick and propagate through gossip. Wouldn’t it be a much better world if we could rely on our friends to (a) quash false rumors about us and (b) propagate GOOD stories about us when we were not there? Who knew it could be so simple to make this a much better society for all of us to live in?