It seems to me that the human race can actually quite EASILY be divided into two categories (actually there are probably several different binary divisions of that same biomass possible but I want to concentrate on this particular categorization today) - GIVERS and TAKERS.
Every one of us has been on one side of this divide AND the other at different times of our lives. None of us would, for example, have even survived the earliest part of our lives without being shameless Takers. After all there is precious little MATERIAL that a newborn gives to the world (well, not counting the mountains of human excrement of course). There are correspondingly moments in everyone's lives where they have been selfless Givers too. So one might quite justifiably argue that NO ONE is a Giver or a Taker but that we pass through these states at different times of our lives. This thought, coupled with the concept of “forgiveness” (which in turn is itself coupled with the concept of some value-judgment attached to one or the other of these states), confused me for some time in my life until recently it became more clear to me that these are not “better” or “worse” states or “right” or “wrong” states. They are simply STATES that one can be aware of and that one can adjust one's own actions towards. If one sees a charging bull and a dove one does not think one is right and the other is wrong. One simply adjusts one's own behavior and either runs for cover or reaches out. They are both creatures of the universe and no doubt they have a rightful place in that universe. But our actions towards them are different. In a steady-state universe there is a balance between Givers and Takers. After all how can one give without someone or something there to accept that action?
So now, armed with the realization that Givers and Takers are simply a classification of the human race, and not encumbered with any value-judgment about those who are one or the other, I can ask myself two questions:
(1)How can I easily classify those I know into one or the other from a purely anthropological point of view?
(2)If I can actually create some criteria that help me classify those I know into one or the other category what can I do with that information that would help me survive better?
The answer came to me recently in an interaction I had with someone in the business world. The classification is not based on the actions (which are so tangible and easy to measure, and which I still place a very high value on over the words of people). This particular classification is based on our own personal estimate of the INTENT of the person. Although this is often tougher to ascertain, I feel that it is in fact how our minds work.
I believe that GIVERS want to leave the world a bit better than when they came into it. Now sometimes they may take things from their environment but they have the genuine belief that this incurs some sort of Karmic debt and they feel a need to repay that debt in their lifetime. TAKERS on the other hand have the intent that they want to THEMSELVES be a bit better off than when they came into the world. Again, this doesn't mean that occasionally they won't do something for someone or show some act of kindness. But, at the core they believe that this somehow sets them back a small amount and they feel that somehow they deserve some compensation (preferably MORE compensation that thye have invested in the act of kindness) for this action. If one interacts with a person for some time it becomes clear on some intuitive level which philosophy they espouse. There is no set of ten questions that will help one decide (or at least I have not yet found them. If you have maybe you wouldn't mind sharing).
The ugly fact seems clear to me (based on where we are today in this world) that the universe is NOT in a steady state yet. Takers outnumber Givers or at least outperform them. This also makes evolutionary sense (survival of the fittest). But it doesn't make sense from the sustainability point of view. So what can people who self-classify as Givers (and don't we all think we are in that category) do about it? It seems to me we can do three things:
(1)we can work harder to do MORE for the universe we live in. I call this the “outperform” approach.
(2)We can try to find others who we genuinely believe to be other Givers and help them to achieve synergistic things with each other. I call this the “kindling the forest fire” approach.
(3)We can identify for ourselves those we believe to be in the Taker category and either try to win them over or run the other way from them. I call this the “survival” approach.
When I think back about my human interactions over my own lifetime I find that most of my grief in life has been because I misclassified someone into one of these categories or used one of these approaches with a Taker when I should have used another. I have used the third approach much too infrequently. From now on as soon as I firmly establish in my mind that someone is a Taker by the above definition, I will RUN the other way! Hopefully it will help me survive what I see as an increasingly tough world.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
... and the goodness is coming BACK!
Those who know me have often heard me refer to the way I like to lead my life as follows:
"I step into the stream of life each day and start casting good deeds on the waters without expecting anything in return. The stream carries them away without so much as a trace. I do this for a long time and then ALL OF A SUDDEN I look behind me... and there they are GOOD THINGS COMING BACK MY WAY!! Its a round small planet and no one gets out alive"
I had just such an experience yesterday. I am helping a young and brilliant gent through one of the mentorship programs that I help out with. Let's just call him Chris. Yesterday I had the opportunity to meet his wife Somyia for the first time as we got together for a dinner with spouses. My wife spotted it first. She is usually so cautious and so discrete that I was somewhat embarrassed as she kept staring at this young lady's blouse and nudging me. Finally she blurted it out "you have an RHB pin on!" she said. Then I noticed it there proudly on her blouse. She had attended one of Dave's seminars in Waterloo, heard the story and thought that this was a "movement" that was worth being a part of. The best thing about it was that she is a lawyer who is starting fresh in this great land of ours having come from India only 3 short years ago and qualified in Canadian law. She's now practicing corporate law in the Waterloo area AND has a young son!! It was so great to see such an accomplished person think that this was something worth proudly being a part of.
For those of you who don't know about it the RHB movement is something that a close friend and GREAT marketer - Dave Howlett - started some years ago based on a story I once shared with him from my life. Dave is the REAL hero but I could not help but feel a feeling of "goodness" from the stream of life coming back to me... and the wave was almost overwhelming. It will certainly be a long time before I forget that feeling of the "circle of life completing itself". Thank you Dave for your global evangelical work in bringing common values and humanity back into our lives! You are indeed making this a smaller better planet!
If you want to check out Dave's web page or attend one of his many GREAT seminars go to http://www.realhumanbeing.org/
"I step into the stream of life each day and start casting good deeds on the waters without expecting anything in return. The stream carries them away without so much as a trace. I do this for a long time and then ALL OF A SUDDEN I look behind me... and there they are GOOD THINGS COMING BACK MY WAY!! Its a round small planet and no one gets out alive"
I had just such an experience yesterday. I am helping a young and brilliant gent through one of the mentorship programs that I help out with. Let's just call him Chris. Yesterday I had the opportunity to meet his wife Somyia for the first time as we got together for a dinner with spouses. My wife spotted it first. She is usually so cautious and so discrete that I was somewhat embarrassed as she kept staring at this young lady's blouse and nudging me. Finally she blurted it out "you have an RHB pin on!" she said. Then I noticed it there proudly on her blouse. She had attended one of Dave's seminars in Waterloo, heard the story and thought that this was a "movement" that was worth being a part of. The best thing about it was that she is a lawyer who is starting fresh in this great land of ours having come from India only 3 short years ago and qualified in Canadian law. She's now practicing corporate law in the Waterloo area AND has a young son!! It was so great to see such an accomplished person think that this was something worth proudly being a part of.
For those of you who don't know about it the RHB movement is something that a close friend and GREAT marketer - Dave Howlett - started some years ago based on a story I once shared with him from my life. Dave is the REAL hero but I could not help but feel a feeling of "goodness" from the stream of life coming back to me... and the wave was almost overwhelming. It will certainly be a long time before I forget that feeling of the "circle of life completing itself". Thank you Dave for your global evangelical work in bringing common values and humanity back into our lives! You are indeed making this a smaller better planet!
If you want to check out Dave's web page or attend one of his many GREAT seminars go to http://www.realhumanbeing.org/
Monday, December 28, 2009
Points of Light
OK! So maybe it is the copious amounts of “dairy-free eggnog” (just start with 12 parts of rum... and enjoy!) or maybe it is the Festive Season. I don't know what to blame this one on but most people who know me know that I give advice only VERY rarely and then only if somehow coerced into doing it. So this is maybe a one-time break with tradition. Think of it not so much as advice per se but rather the sharing of a revelation that I had over the Holidays.
Most of our universe is covered in darkness. The recent “dark matter” discoveries seem to substantiate that thought. Look up at the night sky sometime. The universe is mostly dark emptiness. But the remarkable thing about all of this darkness is that when we look up at the night sky it is NOT the darkness we see. It is the little points of light. They give us an “orientation”. They help us see more clearly. They give us hope. They confer a sense of “eternity”. How many times have we heard the sentiment that we are probably NOT alone in the universe? Never has the answer been more “obvious” to me than looking up at the night sky. Seeing all those stars out there shining their little hearts out into the darkness (almost literally) gives me the courage to say that it is almost bordering on probabilistically ridiculous to think that we are the ONLY life forms out there in the universe. … And this gives me hope!
The point is that the stars don't know and don't care that they give me hope. But their shining just DOES. We have that choice in our lives. To be points of light or to simply see the “darkness”. There is much of it around us (we may feel that this is particularly true these days but this has been true throughout the ages) and we can easily see nothing but the loneliness of that darkness in our lives. We can take social “averages” and tell ourselves that we are “bright enough” or that “others are darker than us” etc. and so give ourselves the excuse to sink to the level of gray empty darkness that surrounds us and swallows us whole. But if we look at the history books, they are not filled with the vast “emptiness” of “average humanity” They are filled with the “heros”, the “points of light that did something because it was the RIGHT THING TO DO.
The alternative is to think of ourselves as the social equivalent of the stars in the night sky and to do our best to shine without expecting anything to happen as a direct consequence in our lifetime. To seek out the other “points of light” in the darkness and to take comfort in their presence throughout history. To be a part of hope and faith in other human beings in future generations whom we may not yet know. This is a wholesome and positive way to live and by doing this in our own lives and seeking to synergize with others who do so in their own ways in their own lives (think of our “shining” as one wavelength in what will be a whole SPECTRUM through the combination with other “wavelengths”) we can hopefully create a brightness that outshines the darkness and brings hope and faith to countless generations.
There is a need in this world today I believe for such a grass roots “Points-of-Light” movement. We cannot change the way the universe is but through it we can just make the light more memorable than the dark.
Are you with me on this one? Let me know.
Most of our universe is covered in darkness. The recent “dark matter” discoveries seem to substantiate that thought. Look up at the night sky sometime. The universe is mostly dark emptiness. But the remarkable thing about all of this darkness is that when we look up at the night sky it is NOT the darkness we see. It is the little points of light. They give us an “orientation”. They help us see more clearly. They give us hope. They confer a sense of “eternity”. How many times have we heard the sentiment that we are probably NOT alone in the universe? Never has the answer been more “obvious” to me than looking up at the night sky. Seeing all those stars out there shining their little hearts out into the darkness (almost literally) gives me the courage to say that it is almost bordering on probabilistically ridiculous to think that we are the ONLY life forms out there in the universe. … And this gives me hope!
The point is that the stars don't know and don't care that they give me hope. But their shining just DOES. We have that choice in our lives. To be points of light or to simply see the “darkness”. There is much of it around us (we may feel that this is particularly true these days but this has been true throughout the ages) and we can easily see nothing but the loneliness of that darkness in our lives. We can take social “averages” and tell ourselves that we are “bright enough” or that “others are darker than us” etc. and so give ourselves the excuse to sink to the level of gray empty darkness that surrounds us and swallows us whole. But if we look at the history books, they are not filled with the vast “emptiness” of “average humanity” They are filled with the “heros”, the “points of light that did something because it was the RIGHT THING TO DO.
The alternative is to think of ourselves as the social equivalent of the stars in the night sky and to do our best to shine without expecting anything to happen as a direct consequence in our lifetime. To seek out the other “points of light” in the darkness and to take comfort in their presence throughout history. To be a part of hope and faith in other human beings in future generations whom we may not yet know. This is a wholesome and positive way to live and by doing this in our own lives and seeking to synergize with others who do so in their own ways in their own lives (think of our “shining” as one wavelength in what will be a whole SPECTRUM through the combination with other “wavelengths”) we can hopefully create a brightness that outshines the darkness and brings hope and faith to countless generations.
There is a need in this world today I believe for such a grass roots “Points-of-Light” movement. We cannot change the way the universe is but through it we can just make the light more memorable than the dark.
Are you with me on this one? Let me know.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Free Software can be SO good
I recently had trouble opening files that people sent to me which they had been made with the most recent version of Microsoft's famous Office suite of software (you know, the ones with the docx, pptx, etc endings). Of course, I was a bit dismayed that I would have to now spend some more hard-earned cash just to stay up with the moving times in the word processing software (I still think Wordstar was one of the best for the buck! YES I'm that old!!). A friend of mine told me about Sun Microsystem's Open Office suite of software and so I went out and downloaded it thinking "what difference could it make? If it doesn't work I can always just uninstall it and go out and spend my money." I am in AWE that a suite so good and apparently complete can be absolutely FREE! There IS a God!! I am happily using it for the time being and I would recommend ANYONE to try it out. The added advantage is that it opens a wide variety of file types and saves data in a wide variety of formats too. The spreadsheet part for example opens old Excel files absolutely without problems. and the ones I made in this software and saved to the old xls format opened in my old copy of Office PERFECTLY.
It started me thinking how the writers of this software make money and FOR SURE they didn't make as much as Office has made it's parent company. But do we all NEED to get filthy rich? Can we not just enjoy being happy and a LITTLE rich? OpenOffice.org you have helped me believe in people again!
It started me thinking how the writers of this software make money and FOR SURE they didn't make as much as Office has made it's parent company. But do we all NEED to get filthy rich? Can we not just enjoy being happy and a LITTLE rich? OpenOffice.org you have helped me believe in people again!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Attitude is EVERYTHING
Today I was talking to a former colleague and she told me a story that really encapsulated the very essence of the old adage that is the headline of this blog. The words were prominently displayed in 5 foot tall letters over the entrance to a school my daughter went to. "ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING".
The Neuro-biologists now have actual proof (so they say anyway) that the brain "filters" most of what the senses deliver to it and actively collects "evidence" in support of the biases we hold. What this means is that if we think the world is an awful place where gloom and doom preside over everything else then we will subconsciously collect information from our daily lives that more supports this idea than the evidence that refutes it REGARDLESS of the ACTUAL preponderance of the evidence one way or another. This will lead to a spiral effect that can only lead to one conclusion. (Maybe that's why they call science a DISCIPLINE - because you have to discipline yourself NOT to do that and to allow yourself to be led by the evidence only)
My former colleague told me a story today of her aunt (who has this OVERWHELMING attitude that the world is essentially a good, benign and "lucky" place for her) who visited New York City. During her visit she was parked somewhere and someone smashed her windshield and stole something from her car. She reported it to the police and in the course of the report the police discovered that she was not insured. She called the insurance company to find that although she had paid her renewal fee THEY had failed to cash her cheque and so technically she was not insured. Of course, when they found out the circumstances of her call they refused to insure her ANYWAY.
Her attitude? "How luck am I!!! This could have been an accident where some serious damage was done and then I would be liable for so much more." Her "lucky streak" was further confirmed in her mind when she returned home to Canada and shopped around and found similar insurance that was EVEN CHEAPER than she would have paid before.
Life is what we make it. We have to play the cards we are dealt so why not START with the attitude that they are the luckiest ones and try to find the evidence that supports that?
The Neuro-biologists now have actual proof (so they say anyway) that the brain "filters" most of what the senses deliver to it and actively collects "evidence" in support of the biases we hold. What this means is that if we think the world is an awful place where gloom and doom preside over everything else then we will subconsciously collect information from our daily lives that more supports this idea than the evidence that refutes it REGARDLESS of the ACTUAL preponderance of the evidence one way or another. This will lead to a spiral effect that can only lead to one conclusion. (Maybe that's why they call science a DISCIPLINE - because you have to discipline yourself NOT to do that and to allow yourself to be led by the evidence only)
My former colleague told me a story today of her aunt (who has this OVERWHELMING attitude that the world is essentially a good, benign and "lucky" place for her) who visited New York City. During her visit she was parked somewhere and someone smashed her windshield and stole something from her car. She reported it to the police and in the course of the report the police discovered that she was not insured. She called the insurance company to find that although she had paid her renewal fee THEY had failed to cash her cheque and so technically she was not insured. Of course, when they found out the circumstances of her call they refused to insure her ANYWAY.
Her attitude? "How luck am I!!! This could have been an accident where some serious damage was done and then I would be liable for so much more." Her "lucky streak" was further confirmed in her mind when she returned home to Canada and shopped around and found similar insurance that was EVEN CHEAPER than she would have paid before.
Life is what we make it. We have to play the cards we are dealt so why not START with the attitude that they are the luckiest ones and try to find the evidence that supports that?
Friday, June 26, 2009
Everyone does NOT own a BlackBURY!
It’s happened to me before and each time the frustration grows a little bit more but it subsides and my normally generous nature gets the better of my writing anything down that I would someday possibly regret. But today I was pushed over the edge by someone and have to simply write about it to (mostly) just get it out there and see if there is any resonance with others about this feeling or if I have REALLY finally slipped below the baseline of what is “generally accepted practice” in our business society. Do you ever have the feeling that sometimes – maybe JUST SOMEtimes – people use technology as an excuse to look better socially than they should?
I am talking about that e-mail that is sent MOMENTS before you are set to enter a meeting or walk in the door of your next appointment (after a 30 minute drive through rush hour traffic) as if just sending it absolves the sender of any responsibility for having inconvenienced you. This time it was a meeting at someone’s office. The kind-faced gentle and VERY apologetic young lady greeted me at the door (I really got the impression that this was NOT her favorite part of the job but that she had become used to doing it because she’s done it so many times before) with “I’m so sorry but we tried to reach you by e-mail… Oh you DIDN’T get the note? Well my boss has been unavoidably delayed in
When we treat people in a way that says “I don’t value you” we offend them. Why not simply say “I don’t think we have any business to discuss so I am not going to be able to make an appointment right now”. It’s because we all function on a bit of uncertainty. We don’t KNOW that we don’t have any business to discuss. The problem is that it is a round SMALL world that is getting ever-smaller. I happen to know people who INVESTED in the company run by this individual and who are genuinely value-driven people. They would be APPALLED by this “KISS up, SPIT down” attitude. We need to treat all people with respect. One never knows where that will lead. It MAY even be good business practice!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
"Points of Light" in this modern world?
I am writing today after a long break in this activity because I have a need to express some thoughts. Maybe they are helpful to some of those who read this blog but that advantage, major as it may be to you, is only incidental THIS TIME to me. Please forgive me for this.
It seems that all around me BIG things are happening - family is doing very well, daughter just graduated from Medicine, she's getting married this weekend, some of my adopted professional "children" (those of you who know me know that I adopt a small band of people early in their careers and help them in some catalytic way and then watch as they set their part of the world on FIRE with successes) have found new GREAT jobs and are happy, one just had a baby, the business is thriving even in these so-called tough times and all is well etc etc etc.
And yet through all of that there is an occassional DEEP dark cloud that overpowers me and shakes my belief in this world to the core. You see my good friend Larry Falls is suffering from late stage pancreatic cancer. I almost cannot bear to see someone of his quality and personal and professional stature have to suffer the indignity that this illness brings on its vistims. I know that some of you have read the website that describes the concept of the Real Human Being ( http://www.realhumanbeing.org/index.php/about-rhb ) where my friend Dave Howlett describes a story I once told him and has quite successfully converted that story into a way for people to think and interact with one another. Well, I feel that Larry Falls is the ULTIMATE REAL HUMAN BEING. He's compassionate, generous of spirit and continuously sees only the GOOD in others. So it is PARTICULARLY painful for me to see this modern-day hero have to suffer like this.
Yesterday, a ray of sunshine shone into that gloom and I was somehow reassured about my fellow man. It turns out that news of Larry's situation spread far and wide and SOMEONE took it upon himself (thanks Grant) to make a web site to honor Larry Falls ( www.everybodyoveslarryfalls.com ). The news is spreading even faster and farther now and the posts are absolutely HEARTWARMING. You really SHOULD try to get to know Larry while there is still time or at least see for yourself what the acclaim for a REAL HUMAN BEING looks like through the posts. Its great to know that good people ARE recognized by all of us and that there IS room for Points-of-Light like this one in this universe yet. When one touches YOUR life next time remember that this modern day approach is a way to give people an opportunity to see what the world thinks of them while they are still on it and it helps those whose lives they have touched to "find" one another and to carry on a tradition. Thanks Larry for being a mentor to me!! I hope that you become the first person to CONQUER this horrible disease and that you get the miracle you so RICHLY deserve.
It seems that all around me BIG things are happening - family is doing very well, daughter just graduated from Medicine, she's getting married this weekend, some of my adopted professional "children" (those of you who know me know that I adopt a small band of people early in their careers and help them in some catalytic way and then watch as they set their part of the world on FIRE with successes) have found new GREAT jobs and are happy, one just had a baby, the business is thriving even in these so-called tough times and all is well etc etc etc.
And yet through all of that there is an occassional DEEP dark cloud that overpowers me and shakes my belief in this world to the core. You see my good friend Larry Falls is suffering from late stage pancreatic cancer. I almost cannot bear to see someone of his quality and personal and professional stature have to suffer the indignity that this illness brings on its vistims. I know that some of you have read the website that describes the concept of the Real Human Being ( http://www.realhumanbeing.org/index.php/about-rhb ) where my friend Dave Howlett describes a story I once told him and has quite successfully converted that story into a way for people to think and interact with one another. Well, I feel that Larry Falls is the ULTIMATE REAL HUMAN BEING. He's compassionate, generous of spirit and continuously sees only the GOOD in others. So it is PARTICULARLY painful for me to see this modern-day hero have to suffer like this.
Yesterday, a ray of sunshine shone into that gloom and I was somehow reassured about my fellow man. It turns out that news of Larry's situation spread far and wide and SOMEONE took it upon himself (thanks Grant) to make a web site to honor Larry Falls ( www.everybodyoveslarryfalls.com ). The news is spreading even faster and farther now and the posts are absolutely HEARTWARMING. You really SHOULD try to get to know Larry while there is still time or at least see for yourself what the acclaim for a REAL HUMAN BEING looks like through the posts. Its great to know that good people ARE recognized by all of us and that there IS room for Points-of-Light like this one in this universe yet. When one touches YOUR life next time remember that this modern day approach is a way to give people an opportunity to see what the world thinks of them while they are still on it and it helps those whose lives they have touched to "find" one another and to carry on a tradition. Thanks Larry for being a mentor to me!! I hope that you become the first person to CONQUER this horrible disease and that you get the miracle you so RICHLY deserve.
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